You’ve been planning a vacation to your cabin in the cascades that your family owns. This cabin has been in the family for years and it’s one of your favorite places to go when you can get time off from your fairly demanding and sometimes stressful life. You want to get away, three days are fine but your boss and extracurricular activities signal a green light to take five off. Five’s great! It’s not too short to feel unpleasant about having to go back to your fairly demanding life but it’s not too long that you feel like you might miss out on important events. It’s just right.

This vacation has been planned, yes but it’s more tangible now rather than it being just an exciting though while you slam coffee and Red Bull (that you get free from work). This diet you even need a break from so the last day of work before your most exciting vacation you go to the grocery store. You buy yourself a great assortment of vegetables, bread, fruit, and even some junk food in case you get bored. You remember that you don’t have extra toilet paper in your house so you get that too. Any other supplies you can think of needing for these five days in the family cabin.

Then the idea kind of feels weird. Being out of touch with your life, in the wilderness for five whole days? The feeling goes from weird to somewhat unsettling coupled with some minor anxiety. From this you tell yourself, quite loudly, in a grocery store in rush hour, “I’m going tonight!” leading to some people you can’t see behind you to think you’re a weirdo (one reason being that you forgot to grab a hand cart, and are carrying all of your loot in your arms). You don’t want to spend another night in the city and would rather start your morning by jumping into a lake.

You get in your Jeep (you own a Jeep?) and plug into your iPhone direction of how to get to the cabin, in case you get lost on the way there. You also have the map to the cabin once you get to where your precious iPhone GPS can’t take you. It’s pretty late at this point and you’ve decided that on your way there you’re going to listen to Stairway to Heaven all the way there (the one from the BBC sessions 2 disc set). You don’t know why, you just feel like you should.

Excited and relieved to get to your cabin from the parked car you grab as much as you can bring into your cabin on this first trip from the car, while still able to hold your keys and open the cabin door.

But something feels funny. Actually, it’s not a feeling at all… Well it kind of is but it’s more of a sound.

There’s music being played; it’s low, soft, and pleasant. There aren’t any neighboring cabins and the music doesn’t sound like it would be emanating from a boombox. Maybe you’re having an auditory hallucination from playing Stairway to Heaven lowdley for the hour and a half prior but no! As you walk closer to the cabin the sound gets louder.

You put your ear against the cabin door to your cabin slowly and you can hear that the music is definitely being played from inside the cabin.

You quickly devise a plan that involves… Well, it’s not really a plan but in any case, swiftly you push open the door and in one toss, hurl the produce that you bought at the grocery at the intruders whom you expect to hit while simultaneously turning on the light switch! The lights turn on…

And there’s no one in the cabin.

You feel foolish for being scared.

Then you turn around and there’s a man and a woman slowly playing acoustic guitars in tandem, with clip on book reading lights shining on their face.

You completely lose your shit.